I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
