Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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