so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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