Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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