I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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