I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
