i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
