Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
