I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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