awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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