mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
that may or may not have been my penis.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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