There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
