I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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