I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
