That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
