from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
