do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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