It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Alive.
So much puke
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
