I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
