I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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