you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
