It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
