and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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