Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
me + whiskey = a bad person
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
