About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
