i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
