the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
