Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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