I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
