i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
