So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
two words: eviction party
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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