I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
