Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
