Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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