1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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