I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
