I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
