I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
