Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
