got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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