I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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