Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
