Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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