We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
