But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
