8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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