I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
