This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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