I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
