I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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