and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
