Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
